caught somewhere between real life, simple faith, & raw emotion
Posts tagged Pain and Suffering
Sometimes I Hate Remembering
012 years
I didn’t want to do this for several reasons. Mainly, because I thought everyone else would. But then I realized they probably wouldn’t. When something big, emotional, and traumatic crosses our paths, sometimes it’s easier to forget about it. But sometimes there is value in remembering the thing you want to forget forever. It can clarify what’s important to you. In a sense, by remembering the hard things you refresh your list of priorities.
I remember it like it was yesterday…
I was living with my wife in our first house in Ft. Lauderdale. I had taken a job at an insurance repair business as a supervisor of a small crew. We repaired water and fire damage, mainly. My wife and I were also deep in the process of helping start a church in Miami, FL.
This particular day I was working alone. My job was to go to south Miami(Kendall, I think) to do some punch-out on an apartment building that the company had the contract on. I have always been a news junky, so I had the radio on in my work van while driving.
Just as I had arrived there was a new flash about a small commuter plane that had accidentally flown into one of the World Trade Center buildings. Of course, in a short time I would learn that both those details were quite wrong.
At that point, I had no reason to be overly concerned or worried. I thought it was awful, but I had no idea. So I gathered my tools and went into the apartment building to work.
I set up and went to work. I put on my little portable radio and started painting a door jam. While I was working and listening a second plane suddenly hit the other World Trade Center building. That’s when I knew it wasn’t an accident.
From there, the news was patchy. I was lacking focus and momentum, because I was a little afraid by this time. I continued working. I was dragging, but what else could I do?
And then the first building collapsed.
The news wasn’t clear on this at first. That’s because it was so unbelievable. Eventually, the truth was clear: The building was gone. I was in shock and sick.
And then…
The other one fell.
By this time, I couldn’t work. I decided to take an early lunch. Mind you, I had only been working some 30 or so minutes. So I took my lunch in the van and listened to the radio. And listened. And listened.
Finally, I decided I couldn’t work. I was just so distraught. So I packed up, went home, and watched the TV coverage all day and late into the night. I couldn’t watch and couldn’t stop, all at the same time.
I went to work the next day. I also continued to watch the news coverage at night. But by the weekend, I couldn’t anymore. It was just too much. And that is the main approach I’ve taken since then.
I remember only when necessary.
Several years ago, I flew up to Connecticut to help my Dad move. He lived in the south west portion of the state, which functioned as a suburb of New York City.
Through the course of the day, neighbors would stop by to wish my Dad well (we were pushing out the next day). One neighbor got to talking. We all sat on the grass in the spring sun. They had a beer and I had a Coke (since I hate beer, and all).
He got to talking about his big brother. Stories of childhood, being best friends, best men at each others weddings, etc. ensued. So I asked if his brother lived in the area.
That’s when he told me all about September 11th. And I remembered it all over again. His brother worked in one of the buildings.
He proceeded to recount the events of the day—from his perspective. He cried all the while. This was a big dude. He was a construction worker, big and burly. So it had quite an impact on me. I looked at the situation totally different. I’m glad he shared his story. In that moment, it brought clarity and does just as strongly every time I remember.
Remembering the things we never want to remember is hard. But sometimes it is good to. It helps us think on what is most important to us.
What were you doing that day?
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*Remembering Never is something I repost each year, since there’s no better way for me to say all this.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness
112 years
What if I told you the existence of evil is actually evidence of God’s true goodness. Sound outrageous? It is, but it’s true. Imagine if we could keep that mind when bad stuff happens. But let me explain first. Be warned, this is gonna sound a bit ‘churchy.’ There’s just no way around it.
>The ability to sin is an echo of God’s goodness—it shows how good God really is. Actually, it screams of how great he is.
Yes, you read that correctly.
God created us to be loved and to love. For love to be pure and real, it must be built on choice. There’s no mystery or romance in a love that’s mechanical. There’s no sincerity in a choice that’s forced. That’s not love. The teddy bear that says, “I love you!” when squeezed does not actually love anyone.
God didn’t make robots.
>Because God is perfect, because he’s unselfish, because God is good to his core, because he’s great in all his ways, he gave us the ability to choose.
Only then can there be true and complete love. It was dangerous for God to do this, as we now know. But it was the only way for it to be real love.
Then and now, we can choose to love and trust God, his ways, and his goodness—or not. When we don’t, whether or not we realize it, it’s because we have an issue with God’s sovereignty.
>Questioning the goodness of God comes down to a sovereignty issue.
That is, will we respect him, his nature, and that things are the way they are for whatever reason He has decided?
If you’ve ever read the stor of Adam and Eve in Genesis, you know they didn’t. And ‘forbidden fruit’ has become a metaphor for so many difficult choices in life.
Remember, if our Enemy can trick us into thinking God doesn’t know what’s best, or that God’s not really in control at all (or not doing a good job), or that he isn’t good, then it won’t be long before we stop believing God is real.
>The world is the way it is and things are the way they are because that’s the way God sees fit to let it be for now.
There may be a plan or reason, or, even worse, there may not be.
- So, can we (you) accept that God is good and that the world is fundamentally in a broken state?
- Can you accept that these may not be mutually exclusive—that both can exist, and often do, at the same time?
That means sometimes things are ordered and sometimes things just happen and are random. If we can do that, then there can even be purpose to our existence and value in each experience, whatever that may be—then we’ll mature and gain wisdom.
Why is it like this? I don’t know. This is why striving to be content is so important. It’s the precursor to wisdom and maturity—perhaps something Adam and Eve didn’t have the experience of life to glean from.
>But if I can let God be sovereign and not try to put myself in his place by deciding how things should be in the thick of my own emotions, I’m on the path to healing, rebuilding, comfort, and peace.
The idea that God is good is at the very core of creation. God started with “Let there be light.” And when he was all finished, he looked at everything, took stock of it, and declared it good. Creation—existence itself—is good by just being.
The very fact that there is life, the creative force set in motion by God, is daily evidence of his goodness.
>The bottom-line: Our understanding of the goodness of God will determine our journey.
If we don’t accept that God is good, our faith won’t survive the trials of life. It’s as unwavering as day and night are fastened in their places. Sometimes that’s not enough for us, but it’s always true.
Yes, sometimes you’ll wonder, but always come back to it:
God is good.
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens
212 years
So would you believe me if I said that the existence of evil is actually evidence that God is good? First, let me discuss why bad stuff happens…
I’ve been talking about our understanding of God’s goodness and how nothing affects our journey in life more (than how we view it).
I’ve gone though Anger Management, Good & Mad…at God?, Let’s Make A Deal, God, If God Is Good, Then He Will…, Good, God &, Evil.
Last week I said:
>God is good, but sometimes you’ll wonder, and it’s okay.
But we need to talk about the brokenness in this world because it is undeniable.
It is the result of sin. Yes, I know that is a very churchy and uncomfortable word. Too bad. It’s true. Call it brokenness, evil, or bad, but nothing says it better than good old fashioned sin.
Sometimes it’s because of a person’s sin, their choices—or sometimes our own. Like when someone chooses to drink and then drive. Then he ends up smashing into a car full of teens on their way home from a Friday night football game. They all die because of his sin.
>But then there’s evil that we’re the recipients of due to no one’s apparent choice.
For example, my son is had minor, but very painful, medical procedure a couple years ago. It will be one of several he has to have. He’s covered with strange bumps on his skin. It started as just one. Now there’s about a hundred.
One afternoon I had to reluctantly bring him to the doctor as, one by one, they’ll be scraped off. (Don’t worry; he got a chocolate milkshake on the way home.)
Why did my innocent little seven-year-old have to go through this? Why did he have to deal with a belly covered in scabs for days after? Why did he have to endure this whole process several times over? Why did he have to endure this pain? He didn’t choose it and fought off tears when just thinking about it.
It’s because of sin. Not his, of course, but an earlier one.
>This world is broken for the time being.
It’s a brokenness that entered just after the dawn of humanity. And it was a choice.
Most people know the story and the characters: Adam and Eve. God told them to enjoy all that he created. It was all good. He also told them to stay away from one tree, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. That was the one thing they shouldn’t choose. But they did.
With this one choice, sin entered the world. With this one choice, the goodness of God would forever be questioned and doubted.
>Choice was the gateway for sin and the fuel for all future doubts.
We all suffer from sin, whether we choose it or not. It surrounds us. But there’s also good in the world that brings healing. It battles the brokenness of sins past. It fights against sins present. That goodness is in God and from God. And it’s best expressed and represented in the life and sacrifice of his son Jesus.
But you might be thinking I never answered the question:
If there’s a God and he’s good, why does he still let bad things happen?
It may sound outrageous and counterintuitive, but the existence of evil is actually evidence of God’s true goodness.
But I’ll explain that next week…
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
God is Good, but…
012 years
So why does God let bad stuff happen?
I’ve laid out a lot of emotions that I sift through to get back and eventually accept that God is good, and the consequences if I don’t (Anger Management, Good & Mad…at God?, Let’s Make A Deal, God, If God Is Good, Then He Will…, Good, God &, Evil). And if all this doesn’t help me accept it, I try to keep in mind what will happen if I don’t. I may stop believing anything at all.
>Although we might be hurting, upset, let down, confused, frothing with frustration, questioning, doubting, scared of future pain, or filled with skepticism, we can learn to accept that God is good.
This is an essential survival skill for our faith.
Even though we might not be fully convinced or totally believe it while in our mess, we’re capable of accepting it.
This is, perhaps, the flipside of these emotions. It’s when they can be positive and a good thing. Specifically, passion can fuel you to pursue, achieve, and endure. It can fuel you to finish graduate school, stay committed to your entrepreneurial idea, and make a bad relationship better—or accept that God is good when times are tough. This passion for God, his nature, and his character can be the determination we need to get through.
>God is good, but sometimes you’ll wonder, and it’s okay.
You can still learn to accept the premise.
There’s evil in our world—that much is undeniable. It’s the source and reason for our pain. Why is it here? This cannot be left unanswered, since it’s actually what battles what is good. It always has.
But more on that next week…
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
Good, God, & Evil
212 years
This is a week that many people are wondering: Is God good? It’s natural when there is death and tragedy. It makes us ask:
If there is a God, and He is good, then what about all this evil in the world?
Makes sense. And besides the disappointment and pains of life, I don’t have everything I want. I’m not living in my dream house. I’m not as smart as I want to be. There’s so much, and so many ways, to wonder if God is good.
So how can we be convinced that God is good in the midst of our personal misery or frustrated desires?
We probably can’t.
>Actually, my purpose in raising this objection is not to convince the unsure to be certain that God is good.
Although I would love nothing more than to always be fully convinced of this, and to fully persuade others, I also recognize that my confidence will likely change with the next pain. I’m not trying to convince.
What’s possible is to learn to accept the premise even though we might question it, find it hard to believe, or aren’t fully convinced in the moment. This comes down to navigating the dangerous waters of emotions we go through in that gap—the Happiness Trap, depression, anger guilt, fear, etc. We can’t pretend they’re not there. We can’t ignore them. We must watch for warnings, mark the course, and weather through them. Only this way will they not consume us.
Thousands of years ago, the prophet Jeremiah warned his fellow Hebrews:
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9 tniv)
He knew that so much of where we end up in life hinges on how we process those risky emotions. After thousands of years, it’s still true. They can trick you into buying stock on a tip that’s obviously too-good-to-be-true. They can get you believing you don’t love someone anymore (since love is, of course, a choice).
>Even worse, feelings can even get us wondering if God is good.
In Gethsemane, Jesus’ flesh was weak. Part of him didn’t want to let him believe that God was still good. But his spirit knew it to be true, accepted it, and moved forward.
Can we do that? We have to learn to or our faith will not endure.
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
Anger Management
312 years
Last week I talked about getting Good & Mad at God. It’s not something to be proud of, but it’s not something to ignore. It happens so we have to deal with it. But there’s more to say…
>Often, when I get mad there is a pervasive thought and feeling that something isn’t right.
It’s true. Something isn’t right. The world is broken, and we all suffer the results. We’re made to live in it and navigate the consequences, even the ones that aren’t self-inflicted. It’s easy to get angry about it.
What’s dangerous is that when a person is mad, he or she tends to do things they wouldn’t normally do.
>Anger skews perspective, clouds judgment, and rattles self-control.
Ever known anyone who has let pain set them on a course that has completely changed them for the worse? It’s when a person can suspend principles, ethics, and standards of morality in order to indulge one’s self. No one just all-of-a-sudden ends up a good-for-nothing, a completely different person. Sometimes it begins with a simple happiness fix. But more often, underneath it all is the strange and misled vengeance of trying to get back at God, or to hurt God, for letting all this happen. The irony is that we end up hurting only ourselves and the people around us.
>Anger untamed and unresolved turns the heart bitter and cold.
A bitter person refuses to see anything good at all in life. Constant complaining and seeing the negative side of everything is the norm. What’s worse, it only perpetuates and amplifies the original pain. The best solution is to find a way to face the situation and deal with it rather than making deals, inebriating, or trying to get God back. Who knows, maybe even look at the bright side of life?
How do I deal with anger?
When I’m ready, I aggressively pray (honest and frustrated praying, that is). I talk to God, to friends, to my wife. I go to the movies and briefly get alone. I read a fiction book. I eventually also read the Bible and pray for wisdom and comfort. All this helps me change my normal way of thinking and makes room for better ideas and insight. Through small changes in my routine I’m able to change my perspective.
The point is, I don’t stay alone and fester, letting my mind stray and skew my view of reality. I’ve figured out the pattern by which I get to productive solutions. Everyone has to do that, because bitterness is just over the horizon.
>We can’t pretend we aren’t mad at God for not making things easier or better.
Sometimes it’s confusing and messy—all relationships are. The point is, at whatever cost and effort, work it through. That’s how relationships end up working out in the end, even a relationship with God.
Be honest, be mad, work it out, be done with it, and move on. That’s the best way to manage your anger. That’s the right way to manage your anger.
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
Good & Mad…at God?
412 years
There’s an old song I know called What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor? It was one of the many songs my dad and his friends would belt out when sharing a pilsner and playing their guitars at parties. They’re Swedish, so they love boats. In fact, they leisurely sailed across the ocean for two years, visiting many parts of Europe, North Africa, the Canary Islands, and the Caribbean, before landing in Fort Lauderdale, Florida (where I’m from). I even lived on a sailboat for the first couple years of my life.
It’s an old sea shanty song. Sailors would go round and round through the verses to help the time pass as they worked through their duties.
The song is about what to do in the event you discover a sailor drunk and passed out on the ship in the morning. All the remedies involve either teaching him a lesson or getting rid of him—like shave his belly with a rusty razor or tie him in knots and throw him over. Why? Because he’s either a complete reprobate or very angry.
Most people don’t know any drunken sailors. But we know someone who shares similar characteristics of one. Maybe we’ve acted like that a time or two in a rough patch ourselves.
>We all get mad at God.
I think it’s all part of the process of dealing with the deep pains of life while we’re living in the gap between the situation that has caused the pain and deciding if God is still good. The question is, what do you do from there?
My wife was recently sick, real sick. Laid up in bed and weak. I changed my work schedule to take care of her (and to keep the kids on the other end of the house). Mainly, I was just trying to leave her alone and let her relax. Actually, I had to force her to do nothing. She’s not very good at it. She’s a bit of a busybody. Rather than having her be sick for several days, I was trying a new strategy. I made her stay still to see if the sickness would go away sooner. And it did.
The kids started to miss her during the day. Dad is just not as patient, creative, or attentive with them as she is.
We were watching TV when my oldest son looked at me and reluctantly shared his thoughts. He said, “I know we’re supposed to think about God the most, but when Mommy’s sick I think about her more.” It was a connection he made on his own. So I told him, “I understand. I do the same thing. It’s okay, God understands.”
It scared me. Whether or not he understood it, he’s on the way to questioning the goodness of God. He’s also on his way to having to deal with anger. In his own way, he was caught up in the process I’ve been describing: Mom is sick (life’s hard and I’m disappointed), I want her to feel better (God, can you change this situation and bring a ray a sunshine?), she’s not getting better and I keep thinking about it (when will God do something about this?), I don’t know what to do. My son’s not old enough yet, but one day he’ll understand that something isn’t right, and it will evolve into getting mad.
>I only hope he’ll figure out how to work through it before it turns into bitterness.
And that’s the real challenge for all of us: How we view God’s goodness in the middle of our pain can be the determining factor in our faith and if it endures.
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
Let’s Make A Deal, God
312 years
*Last week I started this subject with part 1:If God Is Good, Then He Will…. Today is part 2 of 2.
I don’t know why. I just do.
>Every once in a while, I think God owes me one.
I negotiate in order to gain God’s favor, so he’ll deliver me bad moments as I talked about in part 1 last week.
My hope is that I can avoid the full weight of the pain. Perhaps God will even throw in a small measure of “happiness” to move me along the road to recovery and healing, so I can get back to my “normal.” Although this won’t mature me, I’ll settle for it.
I even make changes to sweeten the deal and convince God I mean business.
I’ll pretend to be better than I am. I might have a patch of real benevolence and send some money to help starving children or to build wells for tribes in Africa.
I’ll go to church more often and more regularly: Sunday, Wednesday, and a Bible study. I’ll read the Bible every day and pray several times a day.
I might turn into the best husband ever for a week, with kind words, flowers, cooking and doing dishes. I morph into father-of-the-year for a few days. I get home late but still play Candy Land and build forts in the living room with the kids. I comment positively on the littlest things the boys do and tell them how amazing, talented, and smart they are—that they can be and do anything they want to do in life (which is ironic, of course, since I’m struggling with the disappointments of life myself).
>Trying to make deals with God isn’t productive because it usually doesn’t work.
Essentially it’s not sincere and doesn’t yield long-term change. Therein lies the problem with deals. I think God knows what I’m trying to do, which is partly why it doesn’t work.
Making deals also makes pain worse, because I start to get mad that it’s not working. This too gives God the blame, even though I am the one making the deals in the first place. It’s all twisted. Plus, getting mad can turn into anger and evolve into bitterness, if we aren’t careful.
And this leads to the real problem: It leads me to start to doubt the goodness of God. Let’s not forget:
>Our understanding of the goodness of God will determine our journey.
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
If God Is Good, Then He Will…
512 years
Recently I’ve written God Isn’t Good and God Still Isn’t Good. In these I discuss the dilemma of understanding the goodness of God. Since this is such a HUGE topic, I’m continuing this theme.
>Because the bottom line is: Your understanding of the goodness of God will determine your journey.
Thanksgiving memories are usually fond ones, aren’t they? Turkey, gravy, smashed potatoes, stuffing, apple pie. But what about the other side of the holidays? The less popular stuff? The things we try to gloss over and forget because we hate them, like the consequences of eating too much, spending too much, fighting too much.
Thanksgiving 2008 reminds me of one thing: vomit. (Unfortunately, that’s not the only Thanksgiving that reminds me of this—but that’s another story from my other book.)
That night, one by one, my wife, my one-year-old, my four-year-old, my six-year-old, and I began what would become a 24-hour cycle of violent vomiting. We were all lying in beds and on floors near the bathrooms surrounded by towels and blankets. We ran out of clean ones in no time.
Physically and emotionally, I felt terrible. Movements that normally would require little to no effort became monumental undertakings. I was constantly on the verge of passing out. Even worse, I was helpless to assist my fatigued wife and frail children.
It wasn’t long before I started making deals with God while curled up on the bathroom floor:
“God, if you just make this go away, I’ll never again eat appetizers of chips, shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers, three plates of food in a row followed by apple pie and a hot fudge sundae. In fact, I’ll never overeat again. Do you hear me? I’ll also NEVER eat unhealthy things again. I vow this day to never again eat two dozen chicken wings and a full basket of onion rings while washing it down with a chocolate milkshake. No more Coke, chips, ketchup, French fries, or cheese popcorn. From now on I’ll only eat granola, egg whites, brussel sprouts, and carrot juice. No bad carbs. Only transfat free. And all organic. No more synthetic food for me— if you just make all this go away.”
If God is good, then he will… Right?
Ever make deals like that with God when life isn’t turning out like you want? I have. I do.
>Making deals with God is destructive and disappointing.
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
God Still Isn’t Good
512 years
*Last week I started this subject with part 1:God Isn’t Good. Today is part 2 of 2.
Over the last few years, my wife and I have developed a friendship with a lady who relocated to the Atlanta area after Hurricane Katrina devastated her home and her life, not long after cancer had taken her son.
Having not been able to evacuate, on the night of the storm she woke up to a cracking noise. She stepped out of bed into a house filled with water. A tree had fallen into her bathroom. She waded across the street to her elderly neighbor’s house, which was on higher ground.
The next day, looking out her neighbor’s window, she watched the water rise to the roof of her house. She could see her possessions washing away. Parts of her house crumbled. The storm also claimed several of her pets.
Is God good?
Sometimes she still wonders, in times of deep reflection.
I could go on and on with story after story. Everyone has one or two, or three or four, or five or six. A person doesn’t have to live long before he or she starts facing disappointment, tragedy, or pain that tests the foundation of the soul. These experiences create an emotional and mental burden that’s often difficult to navigate and impossible to carry.
>Sometimes life crushes us. Sometimes life breaks us.
How does one reconcile the innate skepticism that seems to be the only consistent company during misfortune and heartache? It’s as if the steel of every soul and foundation of every person’s faith has a few hairline cracks that an experience or two can break.
This leaves me asking myself if our questions disappoint or offend God. Is it wrong to challenge his intentions, or his very nature? Is he displeased with our apparent variance of soul? With the pause in our devotion? With the rough patch in our otherwise absolute faith? How can I possibly think God is good, or wants the best for me, in the midst of the personal misery that life is peppered with?
I think it’s good to question that premise.
I know it sounds like crazy talk, but if we never wonder if God is good, how will we know?
How can we be sure if we don’t honestly ask? After all, even God’s own Son wondered about it.
While suffocating in gruesome peril on the cross, Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:45).
>Although sinless and flawless in how he lived, in this terrible moment even Jesus wondered: Is God still good?
Never has anyone questioned the premise more passionately.
The shortest verse in the Bible simply states, Jesus wept. But perhaps even more potent is what we hear in his words on the cross about being forsaken.
Jesus wondered.
So here we are, left to live on, trying to figure it out, still wondering if it’s wrong. So many times I’m stuck in the thick of needing solace and healing, and it doesn’t arrive.
So many times I find myself with raised fist damning God in my heart because I think he isn’t good. I so much want to sort this out, return, and mature. How do we make sense of it and put it all back together?
There’s often a range of emotions I have to sift through before I’m willing to consider that God is good again. Sometimes I go through several. Sometimes it’s just one. If the pain is deep, I’ll wade through them all. And within this gap, there’s much that can undermine my faith.
Yes, question and doubt. But pursue.
The point is: never give up and I never give in.
>>>
Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
God Isn’t Good
512 years
*This is part 1 of 2. You can read part 2 here.
God isn’t good. There, I said it. That’s what I’ve been thinking too many times at pivotal points throughout my twenty-four-year faith journey. It’s hard to come to terms with or admit.
I’ve never verbalized it before. Perhaps I didn’t want to be so brave, or maybe I didn’t want be so irreverent. There’s so much that rips at the fabric and undermines the alleged—and assumed—premise of God being good. Life has a way of pushing you toward cynicism.
>But I confess: When life sucks, I think God isn’t good.
When there are hardships and things aren’t going my way, or the way I want or think they should go, my tendency is to doubt, and eventually deny, that God is, or could be, good. It’s my default reaction. I’m not saying I’m right. I’ve long wrestled with the fact that I might be horrible for thinking it. At best, I’m not as mature as I should be. And the more difficult the experience, the more potent my questioning.
It’s not just me.
I’ve noticed that many people wonder about this more frequently than they’d like to admit. Everyone has a different way of saying it, but it seems to be the first impulse for so many when there’s pain and disappointment in life: If God is so good, then why would he let [insert painful situation here] happen? It’s common to wonder.
Do you wonder at those times? I do.
>Let’s be honest about our doubts and struggles.
It’s the first step toward working though this issue, which I will talk about in part 2 of this post next week. So come back, but for now:
When are the times in your life that you’ve thought God isn’t good?
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Read all these related posts in order here:
Reconciling God & Why Bad Stuff Happens.
The Existence Of Evil Is Actually Evidence Of God’s True Goodness.
Pat Robertson Says God Would Have Stopped Tornadoes Had People Prayed More
012 years
Well, Pat Robertson is at it again. I once commented on him saying Alzheimer’s was a valid reason for divorce. Now he’s saying the tornadoes in the midwest could have been prevented had people prayed more. He said this week:
“If enough people were praying He would’ve intervened, you could pray, Jesus stilled the storm, you can still storms,” Robertson said on CBN’s The 700 Club.
That right! The tornadoes so far have killed 39 people and caused untold millions of damage, including erasing entire towns, but that number could have been a bit more palatable if those people prayed lots and lots.
And that toddler who was ripped from her family’s arms and dropped ten miles away, may have lived if those parents just prayed more.
What a horrible and naive thing to say, Mr. Robertson. Why do you keep saying these things?
Once again, Mr. Robertson, this is not one of your finer moments. I understand how you get to this conclusion when reading through the Bible, but it is a delicate and inconsistent premise that you present. Philosophical and painful situations like this require some more study, tact, and thoughtfulness. You seem to miss this at important times. It’s not easy, but it must we done.
I know I am not perfect by any measure, but with regard to this issue, I am ashamed to share the label ‘Christian’ with you.
>Sometimes, as a Christian, it’s okay to just simply say, “I don’t know,” or “I’m not exactly sure.”
Sometimes that’s the most honest and accurate answer. Shame on you.
Here is the segment. Watch it yourself and decide.
Church Advertising “Jesus Heals Cancer” Causing Controversy
012 years
Here is an heated news report from the land down under and to the right a little (New Zealand). It is a segment about a church that has put “Jesus Heals Cancer” on it’s billboard outside (pictured to the left).
Why?
The sign has created quite a stir because some people say it is false advertising since there is no way to verify this claim. And they are trying to get it taken down via government regulations to that end.
In particular, there is a mom in the report whose son has leukemia. Obviously, this is a grievous situation for any parent to deal with. Since Jesus didn’t or isn’t healing her son, she wants this sign taken down forcibly.
Also interesting is the second half of this segment. It really brings into question what free speech is and to what end the government, with regard to faith, can curb speech for the sake of the ‘safety’ of the general population. You know, because religion only hurts society since it holds and promotes ideas that allegedly can’t be proven.
It makes you wonder how far this can all go. If you have 7 minutes definitely watch it below.
The Happiness Trap
013 years
*This is taken from my next book. Please tell me what you think.
When life’s already hard, I’ve realized I have a way of making it even harder.
I once saw a bumper sticker on a truck that said, “Life is tuff. Life is tuffer if you’re stupid.” I don’t live by bumper-sticker-philosophies, but I laughed at this one because I know it’s true. When trying to figure out if God is still good, I can be pretty stupid, which makes it worse.
>Hardships bring what I call The Happiness Trap. It’s vicious.
For some reason, I feel entitled to a good, comfortable, easyish life. I also think I should get a basic level of treats and toys to make my life “more better.” I even believe I should be spared discomfort or disappointment. I don’t know why I think that. I just do.
This eventually unhinges me.
I feel entitled to happiness, and when I don’t get it I wonder what’s wrong. Why isn’t God, my Heavenly Father, being a better dad and doing his job by giving me what I want? If he’s so good, he better make me feel good. Eventually I decide that if he won’t, I will—so I go about ways to make myself feel good. After all, through culture and society I’ve learned over the years to seek my happiness above all else.
>I call this a trap because it’s so destructive.
Striving to be solely happy is a stupid way to live. It actually makes the subsequent pains of life even worse. That’s because a person is tempted to subdue the pain with happiness. Something new, often a good feeling, to dull the pain, instead of processing the range of emotions as they come and getting through it.
I’m convinced that once a person’s aim is to be happy above all else, that person will never be happy again. He’s doomed; she’s hopeless. And maturing is on pause.
>Searching out happiness above all else delays us from coming to terms with things and, even worse, we end up creating more of a mess.
For example, if I live by some sort of happiness meter in my marriage, it will fail. Just ask any honest couple. Happiness begins to wear off only a few months into marriage. It’s about the time the honeymoon feeling begins to fade a bit.
Many things contribute to the happiness meter registering low. It might be when he rolls over and smells her dragon breath in the morning (and she’s without make-up, to make matters worse). Or it might be when she walks in the bathroom after him and hits that potent invisible wall (because he forgot to spray the air-freshener). At this point, fights also become part of the routine. They aren’t necessarily directly related to the dragon-breath or invisible wall, but they happen.
Much of culture would say to move on and find happiness elsewhere. Search out the feeling wherever it may take you—follow you’re heart, they say. This is where the destruction begins.
>Happiness always wears off.
It leaks out. Happiness is an emotion, an appetite, and a fix. When the feeling goes away, we’re tempted to find another boost for it.
Life is about happiness, but it’s not all about happiness. There are priorities to consider. There’s a bigger picture that demands the guidance of principle over the infatuation of a jolt of fresh emotions. Seeking the emotion that is happiness always ends up being a mistake, because no matter how happy I am, I always want more. It’s never enough. There’s a balance to evaluate. Spending more money or eating more food doesn’t heal or mature me. It puts all that on pause. I’m happy for only a moment.
>This lust is a destructive cycle and makes the difficulties of life even more difficult—like putting salt on an open wound.
Totally focusing on happiness is dumb. It makes pain worse, because I’m inclined to do something, anything, to make the hurt go away—to make it feel all-better.
Some generic feel-good medicine becomes a temporary balm on a wound that eventually yields permanent regrets.
I’m tempted to find a new fix and inebriate the pain. I might end a relationship that reminds me of the ache or leaves me open to it again. Maturity is paused and personal progress is delayed when we do this.
>There’s a better pursuit than happiness. There’s a better goal to strive for: contentment.
Unlike happiness, contentment is a strategy, attitude, and approach. Happiness is like a moving target you try to hit, while contentment is constant movement in the right direction. Contentment is a decision rather than the result of peripheral situations. It’s an inner state, not swayed by the whims of outer dependence.
One can learn to be content regardless of surrounding circumstances—no matter how happy the meter inside says we are. Contentment transcends circumstance and emotion. An individual can have it in good and bad times.
But it takes discipline.
It means telling myself, “Things may not be what I want them to be. But I resolve that there can be purpose to my existence and value in each experience—the good and the bad. This will help me to learn, grow, change, and develop stronger character.”
>It’s a healthy and productive choice that, in the end, will bring true happiness.
This is a wiser approach.
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Remembering Never, Again
013 years
I didn’t want to do this for several reasons. Mainly, because I thought everyone else would. But then I realized they probably wouldn’t. When something big, emotional, and traumatic crosses our paths, sometimes it’s easier to forget about it. But sometimes there is value in remembering the thing you want to forget forever. It can clarify what’s important to you. In a sense, by remembering the hard things you refresh your list of priorities.
I remember it like it was yesterday…
I was living with my wife in our first house in Ft. Lauderdale. I had taken a job at an insurance repair business as a supervisor of a small crew. We repaired water and fire damage, mainly. My wife and I were also deep in the process of helping start a church in Miami, FL.
This particular day I was working alone. My job was to go to south Miami(Kendall, I think) to do some punch-out on an apartment building that the company had the contract on. I have always been a news junky, so I had the radio on in my work van while driving.
Just as I had arrived there was a new flash about a small commuter plane that had accidentally flown into one of the World Trade Center buildings. Of course, in a short time I would learn that both those details were quite wrong.
At that point, I had no reason to be overly concerned or worried. I thought it was awful, but I had no idea. So I gathered my tools and went into the apartment building to work.
I set up and went to work. I put on my little portable radio and started painting a door jam. While I was working and listening a second plane suddenly hit the other World Trade Center building. That’s when I knew it wasn’t an accident.
From there, the news was patchy. I was lacking focus and momentum, because I was a little afraid by this time. I continued working. I was dragging, but what else could I do?
And then the first building collapsed.
The news wasn’t clear on this at first. That’s because it was so unbelievable. Eventually, the truth was clear: The building was gone. I was in shock and sick.
And then…
The other one fell.
By this time, I couldn’t work. I decided to take an early lunch. Mind you, I had only been working some 30 or so minutes. So I took my lunch in the van and listened to the radio. And listened. And listened.
Finally, I decided I couldn’t work. I was just so distraught. So I packed up, went home, and watched the TV coverage all day and late into the night. I couldn’t watch and couldn’t stop, all at the same time.
I went to work the next day. I also continued to watch the news coverage at night. But by the weekend, I couldn’t anymore. It was just too much. And that is the main approach I’ve taken since then.
I remember only when necessary.
Several years ago, I flew up to Connecticut to help my Dad move. He lived in the south west portion of the state, which functioned as a suburb of New York City.
Through the course of the day, neighbors would stop by to wish my Dad well (we were pushing out the next day). One neighbor got to talking. We all sat on the grass in the spring sun. They had a beer and I had a Coke (since I hate beer, and all).
He got to talking about his big brother. Stories of childhood, being best friends, best men at each others weddings, etc. ensued. So I asked if his brother lived in the area.
That’s when he told me all about September 11th. And I remembered it all over again. His brother worked in one of the buildings.
He proceeded to recount the events of the day—from his perspective. He cried all the while. This was a big dude. He was a construction worker, big and burly. So it had quite an impact on me. I looked at the situation totally different. I’m glad he shared his story. In that moment, it brought clarity and does just as strongly every time I remember.
Remembering the things we never want to remember is hard. But sometimes it is good to. It helps us think on what is most important to us.
What were you doing that day?
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*Remembering Never is something I repost each year, since there’s no better way for me to say all this.
Life Sucks And Then You Die
013 years
Ever feel like you’re working on your doctorate at Life Sucks University? Let’s be honest, sometimes life sucks. I have discovered that this is a fact that most Christians don’t like to admit. They pretend that things are going better than they actually are. They pretend not to be mad at God.
They pretend.
>But sometimes life does suck. And to avoid the crisis of faith that this admission will inevitably bring on, they tell themselves (and probably you if you’re in the room with them) things like:
- God works in mysterious ways.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- This is a just test.
I think these phrases don’t bring any comfort. In fact, I think they bring even more frustration when you hear them and you’re in the middle of your life sucking. But sometimes life just sucks. Let’s just admit it.
>Plus, people who don’t follow Jesus would probably be more open to God if we were just honest.
I think we try to sell people a faith that doesn’t exist. We present this existence of no pain and no heartache if someone just follows God, but it just isn’t true. It isn’t real.
It doesn’t exist.
And in the process of selling a faith like this we actually set people up to fail in their relationship with God. Because sometimes life sucks-and eventually they will have another sucky experience-and they will walk away from God because we didn’t warn them (you can read more about that in this post). They will think that God isn’t real because of what we made walking with God look like. They will probably even think that God is mad at them.
>They will have a crisis of faith because of a false expectation that WE gave them.
Let’s agree not to do that. If we want people to develop a faith in Jesus that is enduring we have to be prepared to admit that sometimes life sucks:
- Sometimes bad things happen to good people.
- Sometimes things just don’t make sense.
- Sometimes there just isn’t a reason.
Sometimes your life will suck. Don’t avoid it. Don’t trivialize it when it happens in the lives of those around you. Just admit it and listen to them as they weather this storm.
Believe it or not, there is some comfort in admitting life sucks sometimes.
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Is “Trust In The Lord” Just A Cliche?
013 years
If you know a Christian you have heard the phrase, “Just trust in the Lord!” or “I’m just trusting in the Lord.” Honestly, it can be a little obnoxious. It is given either as advice or a statement of how they are dealing with a particular situation. Yes, it’s an odd thing to hear someone say–even foreign or weird sounding. But your bound to hear it or say it one day, if you are around or are a Christian. So what is trust? What does this really mean? Or how does it apply?
I define trust as:
“Belief in, reliance on, or acceptance of a particular circumstance, situation, or individual regardless of full knowledge of all the facts, whether they are, or perceived as, positive or negative.”
That’s from the Unapologetic Collegiate School of Hard Knocks Dictionary. The reality is many people believe, or say they believe, in God. But as soon as a difficult situation comes, or something doesn’t work out, they blame God immediately. They say things like, “Why are you doing this to me God?” or “Why do you hate me?” Somehow we have let ourselves come to the conclusion that we are entitled to the perfect life. And when it doesn’t happen we start to assign responsibility. The problem is, we’ve forgotten a very important principle through this wrestling and, in this process, we’ve set ourselves up for discouragement and failure.
The perfect life doesn’t exist on earth.
That’s called heaven, which is exactly why we trust God in the first place, right? Trusting Him gives us the hope of the perfect existence with Him, free from pain or worry, and also gives us strength until we get there. This helps us to stay focused and fulfill what it is we are meant to do while we live here in this imperfect world.
It can’t be the situation or circumstance that makes God real or not to us. It has to be how we handle the good and bad that comes our way that makes Him real. It shows that we are willing to trust no matter what happens. It’s easy to lean on God when the sun is out, there’s lots of money in the bank, our kids are getting A’s in school, and were on a Caribbean Cruise. But that’s not really trust.
Trust is made evident through testing, and testing comes through difficult situations.
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The Evolution of Faith
113 years
WARNING: Today I’m going to get a little ‘religious.’
To me, it is sadder than sad when an individual walks away from God. Unfortunately, this is not a rare occurence. How many people walk around cynical, hurting, and mad at God? If we’re truthful, that sums up all of us at one time or another. How does a person go from following God to thinking denying God seems to make better sense? I want to offer some thoughts on what I have discovered in my own life. It is what I call “The Evolution of Faith.”
Stage 1: AWARENESS
This is the starting point of faith. Usually something big happens that gets us here. It gets our attention and it is often a point of crisis in our lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a huge event, but it is some personal crisis that is the catalyst. It has a big impact on us and shakes us up.
Contrary to how these times feel, this is actually a good thing. We recognize our lives aren’t what they should be and we realize that we aren’t who we want to be. We usually decide some habits need to stop and possibly some relationships need to become healthier, maybe even end. But we desire to finally change for the better and stop perpetuating the same cycles, because they always end up hurting ourselves and others we care about.
This is a very good place to be in personally. The realization that we don’t exactly know how to change things ourselves is very positive. Why? Because this is the time we call out to God since deep down we all know that He loves us and He is the only one who can help us.
And that’s because He can.
He’s God after all. He loves to be our comfort in these times. This is the moment we acknowledge Him and begin to depend on him. It’s the first time we become truly open in a spiritual sense. This is the point in our lives when we become…aware.
Stage 2: FAITHFULNESS
Awareness isn’t enough. Once an individual learns to surrender, learning to be faithful becomes the next challenge. This is the first point at which true faith is proven. For most, this is where the departure from God happens.
You see, awareness initially results in obedience for a while. Doing what is right and best, even when it isn’t easy or we don’t want to, is easily maintained for a little while. But if it is only for a while, it will never grow into a character trait of faithfulness. So it is, by default, not true faith. It is more like a phase, or even a quick fix.
Once we clear our crisis and the impact it had on us wears off, we no longer ‘need’ God. Things go back to the way they were before: we depend on ourselves alone again.
Slowly the old self and old cycles reemerge. It becomes more difficult when the memory of the crisis moment wears off. When it does, the sense of dependence and desire for change is quickly forgotten and we’re back to the old life and old person again.
The thing is, obedience in good times and bad is a mark of maturity. This is called faithfulness (and sometimes loyalty). This is the strength of character that stays focused on a goal regardless of the surrounding situations. A crisis-based, quick-fix type of faith will never work. For faith to endure and grow it must evolve into a character trait of… faithfulness.
Stage 3: TRUST
If an individual can learn to be faithful the next challenge is to trust. To trust God, who we can’t see, can be very difficult. Life is hard and messy–plain and simple. It is the price of evil still being present in this world. And although you’ve given your life to God, this fact doesn’t change. It doesn’t make sense, but it is still true.
But this paradox just doesn’t make sense to us, so it begins to torment our faith.
It causes us to question what we can’t see since we want certain guarantees. So we begin to question more and more and, as a result, our trust in God begins to break down.
When we do this we automatically turn God into an adversary, which makes doubting Him inevitable.
We begin to assign blame for these difficult situations in life, and at some point we say, “If God loved me why would he let this happen?” We forget that this world is like it is, not because of God, but because of the evil that exists. Although life is still difficult, God does care for you and does have our best in mind.
There is just a timing to life that is beyond our comprehension sometimes. And it may never make sense, but we still need to trust God. He is not the enemy. He is the one we must draw closer to because he will give us the strength we will need to face these difficult times in life. By its very nature, for faith to progress is must be based on…trust
Stage 4: SACRIFICE
This is the hardest challenge in our faith. This is where it truly becomes active. It isn’t enough to avoid old habits. We must be challenged to ‘step-out’. We must be caused to leave our comfort zone. Unfortunately this is against our very nature of self-preservation.
Just when life gets stable and predictable–and it will–we have to be willing to abandon. It may seem like cruel and unusual punishment, but there a reason for this. This cycle keeps our faith ever-evolving. It is the only way. It ensures we grow and never become apathetic. It has been said that if something isn’t growing it is stagnating. Our faith grows as we begin to make changes, since things and situations that challenged us before no longer do. This means we are actually growing and gaining strength. So if our faith is to evolve, we have to ultimately be willing to…sacrifice.
Often we want the benefits there are in following God. We want his blessings on what we do. We want his favor when we need him to come through…for a new job, relationship, opportunity, or challenge. But we don’t want to truly follow him. How can he give us these things when we won’t keep our faith in him? It’s just not how things work with God. Sure he is full of grace and mercy, but if our faith isn’t evolving and growing then we will slowly lose it. It’s never that he gives up on us, but that we give up on Him because we don’t keep things in perspective. At least that’s how I would describe the evolution of faith in my life.
The process continues on and on in our lives: awareness, faithfulness, trust, and sacrifice…awareness, faithfulness, trust, and sacrifice. And on it goes… It is evolution of faith, and it is a constant.
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Quote of the Week On Pain and What’s Best
013 years
“We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.”
— C.S. Lewis
I thought this quote by C.S. Lewis would be a good mash-up between the movie The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader coming out today and what I shared about life crushing us with pain on Wednesday.
Have a great weekend!
When Life Crushes You With Pain, What Will You Do?
813 years
I’m about to get serious, real serious. There’s zero humor today. And you are either going to get what I say or not. There will be no middle ground. What I am about to share is one of a handful of the most important things I have learned in my life–more specifically, in my faith. And, incidentally, it is the basis of some lyrics I recently wrote (and sang) for a band called VENIA. Listen to it here and read all the lyrics here if you’d like.
Over the course of life and the 22 years of my Christian faith I have talked to thousands of people. This has been via being a small business owner, being in a band called Strongarm, doing around 100 interviews and connecting with people regarding my book 10 Things I Hate About Christianity, spending 5 years helping start a church, being involved in other ares of leadership at other churches, and just meandering through life in general. My point is, I have had a lot of conversations, especially on faith.
Hearing people’s stories (and subsequently, reflecting on my own) I have learned there is basically only one (of two–here is the second one I wrote about and part 2) reasons that people either stray away or stay away from God.
What is one of those?
PAIN.
Is it really that simple?
Yes.
It is something that I have long wrestled with. When I was asked to write and perform lyrics for VENIA (like I once did in my old band) I thought, “If there’s one thing I can tell people in this music scene about the future, what would it be?” And it is a truth for all us:
Life will bring pain, so be ready to endure it.
Because here’s the reality: if I look over the past, nearly half of the people that I have known who were Christians, no longer are. Read that again, because it is absolutely true. Why? About half the time, it’s because of some pain in their lives that has overwhelmed them and sapped their faith.
More specifically, their painful situation has caused them to doubt the goodness of God. It’s just that simple. It has crushed them and destroyed their faith.
Remember the lyrics I mentioned. Part of the chorus is:
When the world crushes you with pain, will you stand with me?
Sure, these are words from me, but they mirror what I believe God is saying to all of us. I believe he is always wondering if we will remain loyal to him through the trials of life. Will we endure? That’s the key.
We have to learn to develop an enduring faith. Not an easy task, but absolutely necessary if we want to finish this race (and life) well.
Don’t let pain get in the way of your connection with God. This is a vital place to start in your own dialogue with God. When bad things happen, especially when they happen to good people, it crushes us. Be it the death of a loved one, miscarriage, cancer, a lost job, a cheating spouse, an abusive parent, an absentee parent, bills that can’t be paid, lack of opportunities, failed dreams, dead hope, or [insert your painful situation here], what will you do?
When the life crushes you with pain, will you continue to stand with God?
Most people don’t. But I want to break the trend, don’t you?
PS-Here is the second of the two reasons people stay or stray away from God.
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