John Separates From Kate Plus 8 and I’ve Got Something to Say About TRUE Love

I don’t know if you’ve ever watched John & Kate Plus 8. I don’t. Not me! I only watch movies about zombies and gladiators…

I just happened to be watching this season because I am an ambulance-chaser with the best of them.

I’ve been thinking about John & Kate Plus 8 lately, especially the 8. And I have been carrying a sense of sadness.

Monday they revealed that they are separating and filed papers to that end. My wife and I watched the episode and the footage on TLC that reveals the announcement of their separation. In fact, we watched it several times and talked about it extensively.

It’s sad because I believe the focus is wrong. Time and time again John & Kate said that everything is about the kids, what’s best for the kids, and keeping the kids happy etc.

That is problem number one. The premise that is the foundation of their decision (as they themselves put it) is wrong, or skewed at best.

I am a child of divorce. My wife is a child of divorce. 99% of our friends are kids if divorce.

If there’s one thing I know about the family dynamic is that It’s not about the kids. It’s about the marriage.

I don’t care what anyone says, kids do best when they grow up in a home with a mother and father that loves them. That’s what best for the kids. And that’s why it’s about the marriage.

I talk extensively in my book 10 Things I Hate About Christianity: Working Through the Frustrations of Faith about Love. In fact, I have a whole chapter.

Why?

Because love is difficult. For me, it’s the most difficult thing because I am selfish and self-centered by nature. Most people, if they’re honest, are.

So where is the break-down for John & Kate?

With regard to love, I think they are operating under the premise that it wears off, that you fall out of love, that you can somehow stop feeling love for someone. That premise is also wrong.

That would be true if love was a feeling. But it’s not. Love is a choice. Just like John & Kate choose to love their children regardless of personality quirks and annoying habits, they can choose to love each other. But the cold hard truth is, they are unwilling to do this–to make this choice.

This means that one (or both) of them are unwilling to do the hard things it takes to make the marriage work: counseling, humility, apologies, admissions of wrong, admission of guilt, etc.

This also means it’s not about the kids. It’s really about John & Kate and their own happiness. A selfish reason at best.

I know, I know. Some people may be thinking, “But Jason, you have NO idea how hard it is to raise eight kids,” or, “Some people just can’t work things out.”

Your right on the eight kids thing. But you know what? That doesn’t matter. Real life involves sticking to hard choices during good and bad times. it’s called being an adult.

On the some people just can’t work things out thing, wrong. It’s not ‘can’t. It’s won’t. Some people just won’t work things out.

The irony is, it’s a show about 10, not 8, individuals that have a lot of growing up to do.

The sick thing is, now they really are using the kids. I never thought that before, but I do now. If it was really about the kids, then they would end the show. That way the kids won’t grow up and have DVD box sets in HD about their family falling apart.

One last thought. John and Kate can be sure of one thing. In every case, there is a high level of anger that children develop as a result of divorce. No matter how loving, amicable, and positive the post-marriage dynamic is, it is unavoidable. I hope with all my heart someone is warning them about this so they can prepare.

Don’t be fooled...love is a choice.